Boundaries vs. Rules
When we set a boundary, we are telling ourselves how we want to act or respond to a situation.
A common topic in session is boundaries. We are either setting new boundaries, or encountering someone else’s. It is always good, hard work, and worth it to explore.
Confusion
When we find ourselves confused about boundaries it’s often because we’re confusing them with rules. When we set a boundary, we are telling ourselves how we want to act or respond to a situation. When we set a rule, we are telling someone else how we want them to act or respond to a situation.
Each of these tools serves a useful purpose, but they are useful at different times. If you are working with a person who has shown they are willing to follow rules, you might find that tool serves your purposes.
Pros: you are able to rely on another person’s capability to support your needs.
Cons: you are relinquishing management of your need. You require the other person’s cooperation in order to meet your need.
If you are working with a person who behaves unpredictably to your requests or communication, you might find that boundaries serve your purposes.
Pros: you are in charge of supporting your needs.
Cons: it will be entirely up to you to protect the value or principle that the boundary is addressing.
How to Set a Rule
Identify the need you are noticing. Use words that directly connect the need to the action, avoid triangulation (asking someone else to speak for you) or vague language.
Example of a rule: “Do not knock on the door because I do not want to open it.”
If the person is unable to keep to the rules, the responsibility returns to you to evaluate, modify, or re-state the rule. If your need or value continues to be threatened, it may be unreasonable to ask someone else to manage that particular need or value for you.
How to Set a Boundary
Identify the need you are noticing. Clearly communicate your new boundary. If or when a person does not see or refuses to honor your new boundary, you are still in charge of protecting your value.
Example of a boundary: “I do not want to open the door so I will not open it even if you knock.”
When we feel uncomfortable after setting a boundary, we often begin to consider exceptions. We have made ourselves available in certain ways in the past that extended beyond our tolerance and now we must take action to feel safer, more protected, or more stable around someone. We set boundaries in order to preserve or maintain space, often within relationships.
How to Encounter a Boundary
It can be helpful to use an analogy to explore our relationship with boundaries. One analogy is that of a glass door. Have you ever run into one by accident? I have! It’s embarrassing, it hurts, it causes us to change course. We might encounter someone’s boundary before we know it’s there. If the boundary is set by someone we feel close to, we might have questions, wonder why there is a door where there used to be none. We might challenge the purpose of the door, or be unsure as to why our access or route has been changed. It can be helpful to ask questions, seek understanding, and remain curious. But you may not get answers, and you may not fully understand. It may be helpful to pause long enough to frame your thoughts in some helpful ways: “They put a boundary in place because they needed to.”
When we encounter a boundary, our next move is to navigate it properly. Ask questions if possible. Listen for the new actions or responses the other person is displaying. If they are not opening the door, stop knocking. If their explanation offers new guidance - “I’ll be willing to talk next week, on this day, at this time.” - honor the new path to connection.
Encountering boundaries is often a difficult change to what used to be normal. We will experience emotional responses, and we will have the chance to grow in understanding and compassion.
With you on this journey.
Mandi
Walking To Calm Your Anxious Thoughts
Real psychological benefits that are easy to access.
Taking a walk may sound simple, but it has real psychological benefits that most people can access in one form or another.
Walking helps the body release built-up stress and gives the nervous system a chance to “reset” after emotional or cognitive strain. The rhythm of moving forward—whether it’s a slow stroll, a lap around the block, or time on a treadmill—can lower muscle tension, regulate breathing, and create a sense of internal space. Many people also find that walking provides a quiet pause from screens, responsibilities, and overstimulation.
It doesn’t need to be long, fast, or perfect. Even a few minutes of walking each day can shift mood, reduce anxious energy, and improve focus. The goal isn’t performance—it’s giving your body and mind a gentle pathway to settle, process, and begin again.
The Beginners Guide to Emotions
Our goal is to greet them with curiosity rather than resistance.
Across many older traditions—Buddhist, Indigenous, Sufi, Stoic, and others—emotions aren’t seen as problems to fix but as meaningful visitors or teachers with something to offer.
Instead of asking, “How do I get rid of this feeling?”, the question becomes, “What is this emotion here to show me?” Sadness might arrive to remind you of what you value. Anger can point to a boundary that’s been crossed. Anxiety may be signaling a need for safety, steadiness, or preparation. Even joy is a teacher—it shows what nourishes you.
These traditions often describe emotions as temporary guests. They come, they stay for a while, and eventually they leave. Our goal is to greet them with curiosity rather than resistance.
When we treat emotions as messengers, we shift from self-judgment to self-relationship. Every feeling becomes a chance to understand our needs, our wounds, and our hopes more clearly. Instead of being evidence that something is wrong with us, emotions become guides that point us to what matters.
How to Take An Effective Mental Health Day
The goal is to regulate, restore, and reconnect with yourself.
Ready to try it?
A mental health day doesn’t have to be “productive” in any traditional sense—the goal is to regulate, restore, and reconnect with yourself. Here are some ways to shape the day so it actually feels supportive instead of like another to-do on your list:
Start setting the tone by giving yourself permission—remind yourself this is care. Decide on a general intention: rest, reset, reflection, reconnecting, or gently catching up.
Regulate your nervous system early
Sleep in a bit if you need to, but try not to spend the whole day in bed. Do something grounding when you wake up: stretch, step outside, have a slow breakfast, sip tea, breathe.
Choose activities that match your energy. You don’t need to do all of these—just pick what feels right.
If you’re exhausted or overwhelmed:
Nap or rest without guilt
Watch a comfort show or read something light
Take a warm bath or shower
Take a slow walk along a scenic path
Let the house stay messy if cleaning will spike stress
If you're feeling stuck or heavy:
Take a slow walk—no fitness goals, just movement
Dump your thoughts: write a quick list of things on your mind
Change your environment: coffee shop, library, park
Spend time with a pet or person who regulates you
If you need connection or processing:
Call or meet with a friend you trust
Journal about what’s important to you today
Schedule a therapy session
Do something creative: doodling, cooking, music, crafting
If you’re restless or anxious:
Tidy one small area at a time
Do an achievable task you've been avoiding
Move your body—yoga, dancing, walking, stretching
Meditate
End the day gently
Briefly reflect: What helped today? What felt soothing or grounding? Set yourself up for a smooth re-entry tomorrow (lay out clothes, plan a simple breakfast, etc.).
Most important mindset:
This day is not something to “earn” or “use well”—it’s a reset to help you keep going. Your only job is to create enough space for your brain and body to exhale.
Start Your Day With Compassion
Intentions create direction without pressure.
Consistency in the small things
Here are some gentle, doable ways to set a compassionate tone for the day—toward yourself and others:
Start by checking in with yourself
Before you reach for your phone or jump into tasks, pause and notice: How am I feeling? What do I need this morning—comfort, energy, patience, reassurance? Naming it builds self-awareness and softens judgment.
Set an intention, not a performance goal
Try something like: “Today I will meet myself with kindness,” or “I want to respond instead of react.” Intentions create direction without pressure.
Use a grounding ritual
Even 1–3 minutes is enough. Options include:
A few slow breaths with one hand on your chest
Stretching or reaching your arms overhead
Sitting with a warm drink and doing nothing else
Speak to yourself like you would a friend
Replace harsh inner commentary with something supportive: “I’m doing the best I can this morning,” or “I can move slowly and still do what matters.”
Expect imperfection
Compassion grows when we stop assuming the day needs to go smoothly. Remind yourself: challenges don’t mean failure—they’re moments to practice gentleness.
Choose one small act of kindness
This could be sending a supportive message to someone, giving yourself extra transition time, making space for breakfast, or simply pausing before rushing.
Limit early comparison or overload
If possible, delay social media, news, or email until you’ve oriented to your own inner world first. Compassion is easier when you’re not immediately reacting to others’ needs or achievements.
End the morning with reassurance
A short reminder like “I can handle what comes up today with care,” or “I’m allowed to take up space and move at my own pace,” can create quiet internal safety.
You don’t need a perfect morning routine—consistency in small compassionate moments matter.